Strength is Numbing

They say only the strong survive but I see the strong die off after a lifetime of pain in order to maintain.

They say we learn thru pain so my destiny must’ve fixated me on a window pane.  60 stories high where the violent winds absorb my cries. Where my steps are unaccompanied confined straight lines and my innate behaviors reflect my state of mind; elevated.

They say abandoning emotion at a young age prevents growth, but you must let some things go to cope.  Emotion being the node, or so I say.  Entering a precarious numb state will escape the pressures and expectations their families and loved ones have placed.

They insinuate that emotion shows a sign of weakness.  You don’t see the strong as they are, you won’t recognize their flaws.  All you see is tough skin and togetherness, just admit, you only see what you’re looking for.  So your eyes create lies and you miss what’s within-yet you call yourself a friend and that’s unfortunate.

I am pleased to say that being strong has got me thru my most rancid of days.  Time that led up to those days was consumed of numbing life’s pain.  Pain points immersed to a level of functionality where people depended on the more vibrant side of me.  People, not exactly meaning friends, but people with whom I have relationships.  It is they that look and can’t see, it is they that smell but can’t breathe.  It is they that I love from a distance but don’t bring them “they” around me.


bye bye black cloud

bye bye lack cloudmy heart is black
and ain’t no coming back,
the pain is strange-ly
familiar and
i wish i could get rid of
hate n demons too
but it begins with you-
not just me.
the guns and the violence
in these streets
moves closer and closer to home,
because of the silence.
street code protects rivals
while guns and rifles end lives
cuz there’s no more fair fighting,
crimes commited and murderers get aquitted…

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Panties In The Right Hand (PIRH)

Panties that only I can see

Why be stylish when they’re just for me

Panties that I may let let he or she see me in

Panties are femininity served with a sweet, unique side of intimacy

LET ME SEE!!!pirh

I need a full length mirror especially

On those days my panties are sexy

Silky or colorful indeed

I like it.  Panties are power.

When panties are worn panties get torn. Off…

On a good nite

I step over them as I stumble out of bed the morning after

And hold my laughter

I caught them with a quick glare to the right side of my bed

While walking to the bathroom with a blank stare-

I imagined them here or there

On the bathroom floor after a long hot shower;

On top of the dryer;

I stumbled across them after lunch when I reached for my lip gloss

In the bottom of my pocket-book

After I got a wedgie three times in my 9 am meeting; I paused

I had a PIRH moment.

I stumbled across them one morning while I was putting my daughter in her car seat

In the back of the car

The lining was making noticeable imprints in my tight black cocktail dress the night before; so

I had a PIRH moment.

I stumbled across them in the inner folds of my umbrella

One spring afternoon submerged in water up to my patella.

The windy rain in Maryland snuck up on me while shopping foolishly at an outdoor mall.  Preventing any oncoming sickness I bought a brand new bra, outfit and shoes, immediately changed into them in a fitting room; and had

Yet another PIRH moment.

Still to this day I ask myself why didn’t I just throw them in the bag along with the other wet clothing…

I know I am not the only one that has PIRH moments-

Are you a cotton fitted type of gal?

High-waisted with morale of those women from the Victorian ages?

A hip hugger to accentuate your flat abs?

Or do you wear thongs that get lost in your roundabout a**?

Would you rather prefer v-kinis, comfortable boyshorts; or a pair of lace bikinis?

Panties are a reflection of you!

For they are just mere fabric until they cling to your curves

That then create a dangerous urge of lust

Irresistible to those who see, said the blind man

As he took a peek

With his hands and wanted to repeat.

Panties are freedom that women dream to be freed from

In our inner-most sacred thoughts alone

But what better way to be freed than by your lovers right-hand and not your own?

Ladies where is the most awkward situation you have stumbled across your panties?

Please share your most bizarre PIRH moment!

Five Questions That Have Unacceptable Answers

She said she was proud of me

To the whole world excluding me

Why harbor the truths of your inner thoughts

From the mere person who made them be…

She said she loved me

To our whole family, but didn’t show it

How then can I believe it when I seldom see it

So I told myself I can’t see feelings deeply seeded…

She said she appreciated me

To many store clerks and bar tenders

When bills were paid and groceries rendered

My negative account balance she never considered…



…please order the book to read more of this poem